Wonky Water weirdness and quackery

Wayback Water looney tunes

"Wayback water" is the brainchild of one Dan Nelson (or perhaps two of them) who hawks this nostrum to the credulous multitudes via innumerable YouTube videos and “testimonial”-filled Web sites.

An earlier site that existed in 2012-13 was full of scientific-sounding nonsense, explaining that their water is the result of treatment by some kind of magical laser which emits a special kind of light that “propagates in the inverse/reciprocal space-time realm of 5-space, i.e., a higher spatial dimension. This derives a time-reversed particle wave running the laws of thermodynamics (2nd law/entropy) in reverse.”

But apparently, this bizarre crock proved too much even for the notoriously credulous "alternative health" crowd, so the present Wayback Water site takes an entirely different tack, joining the many other outfits falsely claiming that water "clusters" must be broken up before they can be imported by the body to achive "cellular hydration".

The Spin Doctor and the Bogus Energy Scale

This guy who bills himself as "The Water Doctor" brings you a wealth of incredible products promising the usual medicine-show array of wonderful-sounding but ill-defined health benefits which are sure to be experienced by those who are in the right frame of mind. The most recent version of the site displays an image of the older-but-not-apparently-wiser "Doctor", but has repackaged the nostrum as QuantaWater™ which

harnesses the energy of nature with harmonics that resonate in unison with the body’s crystalline structures to energize our cells. Highly coherent, QuantaWater™ contains life-supporting resonances, the earth’s magnetic energies, and has low surface tension with vortex spin motion, and a high Bovis potential.

The earlier nostrum was apparently based on the fiction that atoms and molecules can be made to "spin" to the right or to the left (hey, doesn't this depend on the direction from which you are looking at them?) and that for water at least, this somehow affects the way it interacts with your body. How these magical properties are imparted to the water is not explained, but people who are sufficiently credulous to fall for this stuff are seldom inclined to ask. To make this even more [pseudo]scientific, he spins up more nonsense relating to positive and negative electrical charge using a scheme of measurement unknown to legitimate science:

The Bovis Scale, developed by a French physicist, quantifies or measures how positively or negatively charged a substance is. For living organisms, the key reference point on the scale is found at 6,500 Bovis Energy Units. From 0 to 6,500, the charge is in the NEGATIVE range, or life-detracting, while above the 6,500 point the energy gradually becomes more POSITIVE, or life-enhancing. The desired minimal energy level for humans is found between 8,000 to 10,000 Bovis Energy Units, or slightly positive. The Earth itself creates energy in the 7,000 to 18,000 range. This energy is also referred to as "Biophotons", which are light particles invisible to our eyes. This positive radiation is necessary to the maintenance of life on Earth.

Don't bother to ask where these numbers come from, to what precision they are known, or what the wavelength of these fictional "biophotons" might be— this is pseudoscience, after all! We are then fed the following untruth:

Scientists have discovered a direct correlation between the Bovis Scale and the direction of spin displayed by an atom or molecule. Atoms registering in the negative Bovis range will spin to the right, or clockwise. Atoms in the positive range spin in the opposite direction, to the left. Examples found in nature of this spin property include our cellular DNA, which is in a left-turning spiral. In contrast, cancer cells are in a right-turning spin.

Amazing that these spin doctors should have stumbled onto an aspect of cancer that has eluded thousands of real scientists, but bunk knows no bounds! But it doesn't stop there; this magical water can transfer its energy to other water that happens to be nearby, or so they say in an effort to get you into the mood of offering up your credit card for worthless products such as the following:

When any substance is placed in or on [this device], the "energy information" is transferred from the water between the [its] double walls to the water in the new liquid or solid. All electrons in the substance take on a positive left spin. Their free radical nature is virtually eliminated! ... The body can more easily process chemicals, allergens, or pathogens out of the body... The addictive nature of substances is reduced... The body is given more natural energy without artificial highs. Candy, sodas and deserts may be placed in or on the mug for reduced cravings and blood sugar disruption. Allows a total of nearly two liters of liquid to be energized overnight to the ideal energy balancing level of approx. 90,000 Bovis Energy Units!

(They also sell a similar drinking cup and mug.) That stuff about electron spins is of course errant nonsense that could be disproven by any high school chemistry student with a magnet, and there is no evidence to suggest that any of the purported benefits extend beyond the mind of the user. But why not "correct" all the water in your house?

The [device] should be attached to the cold water pipe going into the house... The wand raises the natural energy level above 18K Bovis on most tap and well water (up from less than 4000 in most well and city waters.

The Bovis Scale is based on a goofy pendulum device "biometer" that seems to have something to do with "cosmic energy".

More recently, this outfit has branched out into the even weirder realm of quantum pseudoscience:

The new generation of Quantum Energy Appliances (QE) utilizes a unique configuration that maximizes ion oscillations and electron stability down to the sub-molecular level. Their ability to tap into the high frequency coherent energies (ZeroPoint Energy) found naturally in the environment and amplify them counterbalances the artificial suppression of these natural life supporting energies by man's "progress."

Bottom Line: None of this garbage, or any of the Water Doctor's prescriptions are to be believed!

More quantum spin bunk...

Picking up on the "free energy" shtick, a "hyper-physicist" named Dan Nelson claims to have developed something called a "Geometric Laser" which, he says, generates a "time-reversed particle wave" which provides "the water with energy turned back to the water from vacuum space around the particles." As he helpfully explains on this Quantum Tech page (which is guaranteed to send physics-savvy students into howls of laughter)

Bringing any pure water to a higher coherent quantum state and maintaining it there requires the manipulation of quantum thermodynamics. ... The virtual laser imposes coherence (structure) on the vacuum medium around and through a given volume water and rotates energy out of vacuum into the fundamental water molecules. As entropy decreases (time reversed energy always runs thermodynamics in reverse) water physically expresses this by reorganizing fundamental particles to acquire a higher coherent quantum state. ... [The water] assumes a minimum spin state of 1.8 million bio-angstroms.

Don't worry if you don't know what a "bio angstrom" is; nobody else does either! We are also told that

Quantum Tech Water carries all of the correct isotopic waveforms needed for optimum health and well being. Water possesses an amazing memory-like property, which allows it to store frequency information in the quantum state; this may be the mechanism which brings the benefits of minerals to all of the body’s cells in the first place. These energies are used for all creative, maintenance, healing and repair functions in the body. [link]

You can see a bunch of videos showing this snake-oil salesman in action, and you can buy it here for $40 for half a liter.

Another flogger of "reverse spin water" offers similar "energy mugs". The site points out that

...if you're drinking right spinning water, you're not getting the energy you need to get healthy.  In fact, right spinning water actually robs you of energy!

So this outfit will sell you an "energy mug" that within two minutes, "will change the spin of right turning, unhealthy water into left spinning HEALTHY water." And there's more (of course!):

It can take the pollutants that may still be present in the water, and essentially neutralize them and make them less harmful, if not totally harmless!

All unbelievable nonsense!

It's in the book!

According to a now-gone Creationist site, the concept of "water spin" has a Biblical connection:

Genesis 1:2 explains that the Spirit of God moved upon the "face" (literal Hebrew: to "turn" as the face "turns" to approach another) of the waters. This probably refers both to the rotation of the planet and to the rotation of each water molecule (these molecules have a natural "spin"). This action would "charge" water to its highest level on the surface of the planet, as well as the reservoir in the great deep below the surface (Gen. 7: I 1).

Eloptic Energized Water from God him/herself

A Multi-level marketing scheme that has enlisted hundreds of pseudoscience-flogging dealers offers a variety of products promising to cure all ills:

The Master’s Miracle Neutralizer will help your immune system be more effective in it’s fight against free-radicals; the a way God originally intended. And since your body will be running more efficiently, regular use of the neutralizer may also promote healthy weight loss. Many testimonies report just adding drops of Master’s Miracle Neutralizer to your drinking water helps to make your water safer to drink and will wash bacteria and toxins out of the bloodstream like an internal detergent. [Link]

This "Electrically engineered eloptic energized stabilized oxygenated water" contains calcium, potassium, magnesium, ash of dedecyl solution and, most importantly, "the anointing of God." Nothing like invoking religion to con the masses! It's amusing that another bunch of religious nuts has put up a Web site condemning this as the work of the devil!

Pi in the sky

There appears to be more than one huckster flogging nostrums having "Pi" in their names. The best-known of these products is profiled at Pi Water and PiMag Water.

Another widely-promoted "alternative" water scheme feeds us this hokum:

During research on plant growth cycles, Japanese scientists discovered a form of water [that contains] specially-charged iron particles. The scientists referred to it as "living water" from the effects they perceived it had on plants and other growing things. [This] water was first detected more than 30 years ago.

{it] is iron base compound derived from bivalent and trivalent ferrates [and] is said as "living body water" ; "living body water" (i.e. water that constitutes a living body) is the water which can be found inside all living bodies including humans, animals and plants. Any water taken into a living body must be converted into this "living body water". If ordinary water taken into, a great deal of energy is consumed to convert it into this living body water.

None of the sites I have looked at offers references to the work of these "scientists", nor do they offer any credible evidence to support the statements and claims made about pi-water, many of which verge on the mystical:

What's this miracle water good for? According to one distributor's Web page, its benefits include: Restoring environmental conditions, Preventing bacteria proliferation, Suppressing harmful ions, Promoting growth, Rejuvenating life activities, Acquiring regeneration power, Enlarging adaptability, Ensuring normal growth.

The claim that marine- and fresh-water fish can live together in Pi-water might make the basis of a good Science Fair project.

Platonic solid poppycock

This site contains an unusually verbose description of a multitude of other "alternative" waters, explaining in great detail why they are not as good as Dr. Wheeler's own M-Water Concentrate– in my view, a classic example of the pot calling the kettle black! In an even greater outpouring of meaningless verbiage, we are told that

• Water is the perfect medium for bringing life supporting vibration and energy at the highest level of Unconditional Love in order to create living chemistry.[Why didn't I learn this when I took biochem?]
• [The inventor] has extracted the most important aspects of Platonic Solid Inversion Geometry that have to do with establishing life supporting vibration and frequency. His technology allows water to flow based on optimized Platonic Solid Inversion Geometry but without electronic machinery that would cause vibrational interference and distortion in the water molecule. [He] has learned how to turn the cube inside out in order to create the ideal and complex array of curved geometry that applies to water flow.
• Water provides the ideal molecular form of pure clarity to receive higher dimensional vibration and energy and is also the only substance to have a 100% capacity to move in the correct way in order to establish the higher dimensional doorway of chaos and zero point.
• By having more and more people drink [this] Water and using the... Unit at many different locations around the planet, the power of the different sacred places can be restored normal. This is an issue of changing the whole planet in order to change the individual parts.
• The underlying unity in the universe is tapped into via M-Activated Water so that every law of nature is stored as information in water in order to promote positive human evolution. Vital Living water in the way nature intended for drinking will create heaven on earth as human beings evolve in their hearts and make a more meaningful connection with Unconditional Love that is innately available from beyond the third dimension.

But what is this nostrum good for? According to the inventor (a chiropractor who promotes this stuff widely on radio infomercials)

Four Functional Benefits from Drinking [my water]: 1) increased absorption and utilization of nutrients; 2) more effective and efficient detoxification of the whole body; 3) increased oxygen utilization by the cells; and 4) a more perfect cellular replication process.

The site refers to various "clinical studies" which I have some difficulty taking seriously, owing both to their dubious-appearing source and the fact that they have not been subjected to independent review by qualified physiologists or chemists.

As with the various "clustered" and structure-altered water products, this water is claimed to be able to transfer its memory beyond the bottle:

...when M-Water is added in small amounts to clean drinking water it memorizes the subsequent changes in vibration, energy and molecular clustering (just two teaspoons ... are added to a gallon of clean drinking water, which then is defined as M-Activated Water based on water memory transfer) This fundamental memory transfer has been validated with the water crystallization studies... Furthermore, water transformation takes place simply by placing a bottle of [our water] next to a bottle of non-activated water ... By having more and more people drink[our water] every day a transmission of the more underlying coherence in the water in people's bodies will transfer to other people. Those who drink [it] every day will be helping other people heal through increasing coherence simply by being in close proximity.

There is no scientific support for any of these claims. In my view, this is pure pseudoscience in the service of quackery.

Far-IR Fantasies

There are hundreds of sites offering products that claim to produce "far-infrared" radiation, and all these claims are true: all bodies at temperatures above absolute zero emit far-ir, which the scientifically ignorant don't realize is just another word for "heat". Any claims beyond this, pertaining to the unique healing or beneficial qualities of this radiation, are pseudoscientific bunk. There appear to be several main categories of this mainly made-in-Japan nonsense:

• Special fabrics that purport to supply far-i.r. to the body such as "Far Infrared Therapy Clothing" and "Nikken ThermoWear Clothing"
• "Bio-Ceramics" that are supposed to do the same thing, such as Vita-Mat,
• Toxin-removal and cancer cure/prevention devices and "far-i.r. saunas" such as the Far Infrared Therapy Hothouse that employ a "special" lamp to generate the radiation (Note: all lamps that become warm during operation emit far-i.r.) Another "sauna" claims to be effective for a wide variety of treatments ranging from mercury detoxification to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. For those who prefer to detoxify while they sleep, there is are "detoxifying footpads".
• Minerals such as tourmaline (see below)

A heating pad called Bio-Mat™ mx Amethyst provides a fine example of pseudoscientific hype: they claim that it

"is a high-tech Negative Ion and Infrared Ray treatment system that emits many negative Ions and Far Infrared Rays, which contribute to a healthy life..."

and uses Amethyst which they say

"has come to be known as a power crystal with prolific healing powers that can be characterized as purifying, pacifying and transitional. Amethyst as a healing stone or crystal contains sobering and calming qualities and is used to treat and heal problems involving the central nervous system."

They misleadingly state that it is "substantiated by the Nobel Medical Committee", but the rreference they give has nothing to do with the product. Like many manufacturers, they prominently mention that it has FDA approval, but fail to note that such approval for devices (as opposed to medications) simply means that it is safe to use; it certainly does not support the ridiculous claims.

There is, of course, no credible evidence to support any of the health-benefit claims made by the promoters of these products. A 2003 article by a team of Japanese researchers (supported by an equipment maker) observed faster healing of skin wounds in rats under what they considered to be FIR radiation, but it did not exclude other IR wavelengths or narrowly-localized heating.

Adding to this far-out-far-i.r. foolishness was a Florida outfit that marketed plastic "laundry balls" that "structured" the water by means of far-i.r. waves, thus eliminating the need for detergents. The company has been charged with deceptive sales practices in {Utah} and in {Oregon}.

Get me a Smirnov!

On the theory that the more-scientific-sounding the moniker, the more it will impress those who are unschooled in science, this outfit brings you a "Magnetic Resonance" technology dubbed MRET Water Activator based on what I consider a "junk" U.S. Patent. While this machine sits quietly on your kitchen counter, a

subtle low frequency electromagnetic field is imprinted into the water. It closely resembles the natural geomagnetic field found near the healing water springs. .. MRET Water acts as a communication medium among the cells. It transmits pre-recorded molecular activity messages to biological systems.

This is essentially the same misleading nonsense that is flogged by the "cluster-quackery" sites, and like these, they claim that it "hydrates" the body better than ordinary water, slows aging, "detoxifies" the body, etc. etc. To further impress the rubes, they offer several pages of "scientific research" references that anyone who knows scientific literature would regard as junk — incomplete and unverifiable references to dubious journals, similarly unverifiable lists of institutions that have supposedly been involved, etc. Especially egregious is the reference to an absurd article suggesting that MRET water might benefit patients suffering from Alzheimer's disease.

How does the finished water differ from ordinary pure water? The answer (found on an earlier Web page) would make anyone who has completed a high school chemistry course howl with laughter:

[This] water has higher molecular energy, faster vibrational frequencies and more intensive vibrational waves. During the ... activation process, the configuration of the water molecules makes the hydrogen-bonding structure stronger. Although the shape of the molecules has changed, the basic structure remains the same.

The key component of this machine is purportedly a

specially designed polymer light emitting diode that flashes at a specific pulse rate with a frequency that is similar to the earth's geo-magnetic frequency. This Earth's geo-magnetic frequency is an important factor in the sustenance of all life forms.

The genius behind this classic snake oil is apparently one Igor Smirnov— the same one, I presume, who is into equally goofy mind control schemes as profiled here. According to this abstract, Smirnov published an article entitled "Activated Water" in the Electronic Journal of Biotechnology (an obscure Chilean journal). I have been unable to find any trace of this article in the cited issue (Vol 6, 2003-2), but a PDF version of the alleged article is available.

Some typical sales sites, many featuring endorsements by various alleged "doctors": EMF Safe Zone I-H2O, BioPro Technology

MRET Water is also marketed as ERT Water and iWater.

According to a Canadian MLM promoter's site:

"The essence of I-H2O™ lays in its combination of two cutting-edge technologies: the proprietary, patented couples the special polymeric composition of MRET® and the subtle energy imprinting of ERT™. A combination of magnets and an LED (Light Emitting Diode) excites the patented MRET® polymer, emitting a highly effective noise-field. The low frequency oscillations activate and change the water or liquids molecular structure into a highly intelligent, bio-available water or liquid. Coupled with BIOPRO’s proprietary ERT™ (Energy Resonance Technology), which imprints a vital subtle energy signature into the water, i-H2O™ truly represents a major scientific breakthrough in water technology."MRET® and BIOPRO’s proprietary ERT™. The process utilizes a one-of-a-kind dual action that synergistically

Photonic Ionization

This term is used to describe a process developed by gentleman who [falsely] claims that if fluids of specific chemical compositions, flowing through transparent conduits, were exposed to electromagnetic(photonic) fields of specific field strengths, wavelengths, pulse widths, amplitudes and frequencies, their molecules could be substantially modified and separated out of solution. The primary application is supposedly water desalination, but the inventor suggests that this process can be used to produce a variety of altered beverage products , including types suitable for therapy, anti-oxidants, super-oxygenated, herbal, purgative, deacidifying and carbonated/non-carbonated applications.

Comment: "Photonic ionization", needless to say, is complete nonsense. I have been unable to find primary references to this process on the Web. Most references to the process seem to point to "money shows" in which fund managers are invited to steer investors into great-sounding schemes.The company behind this was de-listed from the notorious OTC exchange in 2000.

Water-borne light-wave energy (weird!)

Here's a company that peddles a series of waters containing minerals which

"are used to hold and carry electrically charged light-energy signals to areas of the body of animals and humans. Once the minerals have been fractionated to smaller components, they can be encoded with non-visible light waves. Different combinations of light waves are used in each formulation. Each product is coded to trigger specific responses according to the goals of a particular formulation" by means of "very subtle light wave energies that are obtained from nature."

They go on to explain that "the entire body runs on light wave energies and senses their transmitted signals. If the signals are accurate and potent enough, the body responds favorably." In a bid to the believers in chiropractic, they offer a series of 26 formulations their snake oil, each carefully tuned to one of the "26 vertebrae and the ailments" purported to be associated with them.

I won't even try to debunk this fraudulent nonsense, since anyone who is credulous enough to take it seriously is likely too insulated from reason to even listen to rational argument.

Analyze your own Bio-Photons!

For only US $1850, you can get their your own Bio-Photon Analyzer that will, among other things, "make remedies, clone energies and homeopathics, and make antidotes."

A former Australian site describes a "filter" that employs several such substances:

A similar site touts some of these same minerals as cure-alls and re-creations of [fictional] "Hunza" waters.

Then there is the Adya outfit that flogs biotite and humic (see below) products that they claim (falsely, in my opinion) to provide mineral ions with enhanced bio-availability to those found in any balanced diet.

Adya water yada yada

The only thing that is "clear" about Adya Clarity is the nonsense of their snake-oil-like claims about the benefits of the "Magnetic Sulfate Minerals" in their water. The idea that paramagnetic salts are capable of "attracting contaminants", including "chlorine or bacteria", is pure fantasy. Its "high level of hydration" is no improvement over pure water, and its "oxygen enhanced" content is worthless, as I explain here. Another site makes even more egregious claims: removal of "calcification" and heavy metals (some of which are present in most mica minerals from which the water is derived), "improve" blood, etc. etc.

News items: Adya Clarity caught deceiving Health Canada in licensing scam that hid aluminum content
See also: Adya founder Matt Bakos makes unbelievable health claims

Angstrom mineral mumbo-jumbo

The various mineral elements essential for our bodies are readily available in any balanced diet. For a relatively small number of people, special supplements may be indicated. Of course, the alternative-health-quackery industry does its best to convince everyone that they need more, and thousands of such [generally worthless] products are on the market. But in my opinion, the most egregious marketers of mineral misinformation are the hawkers of so-called Angstrom minerals. [typical site] The name comes from a unit of length known as the Ångstrom; 1Å = 100 pm = 10^–10 m, and is intended to imply that these minerals are so finely divided that they are more readily taken up by the body. This is deceptive nonsense; minerals are absorbed in the form of dissolved ions by channels in the intestinal wall that are exquisitely adapted for this purpose. Many of the vendors of these nostrums make the absurd claim that "our minerals are a million times smaller than colloidal particles." Given that the upper range of colloidal side is about 200 nm, this would make these mineral wonders only 0.1 pm in size — smaller than than that of hydrogen (31 pm), the smallest atom!

The dumbest promotions I have seen flog "Angstrom Germanium"[see here and here ] — an element with no known biological function to which they attribute numerous imaginary functions (including, of course anti-cancer properties). Don't fall for this deceptive garbage!

"Black mica" black magic (biotite)

Biotite is a commonly-found aluminosilicate mineral mostly seen as the black specks in granite. It is widely found in metamorphic rocks and as deposits near extinct volcanos. Structurally, it is similar to micas and clays in that it is made up of sheets of covalently-bound atoms arranged in stacks that are weakly bound together by potassium ions.  The overall formula is K(Mg,Fe)₃AlSi₃O₁₀(F,OH)₂. It is virtually insoluble in ordinary water, but in common with other minerals of its type, it can slowly break down in the presence of acidic water.

As with so many naturally-occuring crystalline substances, biotite has attracted the attention of the  snake-oil hucksters who have created a market among science-challenged alternative-health consumers.  The biotite nonsense apparently started in the 1960's when a Japanese "scientist and doctor" Asao Shimanishi, "after decades of research", "invented a patented way to extract the minerals and maintain them in ionized form" —  something anyone can do (and nature does all the time) by exposing biotite to slightly-acidified water! The resulting grossly-overpriced "rock flakes" or water extracts are widely (and falsely) flogged as essential nutritional supplements.

As if this were not enough, the fiction has developed that biotite can magically remove all contaminants from water. There is some truth to this, but only a little: as biotite partially dissolves, some of the aluminum ion hydrolyzes to form a gelatinous precipitate of aluminum hydroxide which sinks to the bottom of the container, supposedly entrapping the unwated substances. A similar method (but employing alum, a form of aluminum sulfate) has been a standard method removing particuate matter in municipal water treatment for more than a century. But it will not remove dissolved heavy metals or most organics. And although it is widely claimed to remove fluoride from water, it really does just the opposite: it releases fluoride into the water, as is well-documented in the geochemical literature [typical citation].

Some typical hype about biotite-treated water [link]:

• Black Mica removes all the organic, and chemical contaminants, including chlorine, fluoride and ALL other chemicals.
• Radiation is blocked by black mica
• Helps one to see issues clearly and rationally. Known as a “Stone of Life”, Biotite has been used for disorders of disorganized cellular patterns, and to clear radiation. Black Biotite is a strong grounding and powerful grounding stone. Provides one with clear discernment and grounding.

Similarly dumb "facts" can be found here.

In summary, there is no credible scientific evidence that biotite/black mica has any health benefit.

Tourmaline tonic

"Tourmaline" has recently been the favorite buzzword for the marketers of all sorts of dubious products, including water filters.

"Tourmaline NATURALLY emits far infrared energy" [link] — but so does all matter at temperatures above absolute zero!

This site is typical of the breathless bunk being circulated about the magical nature of this mineral.

The facts: Tourmaline refers to a group of minerals (see this Wikipedia article) which, like many others such as quartz, possess some interesting electrical properties: squeezing them or subjecting them to heat produces an electrical potential difference between the two sides of a crystal. (These properties are respectively known as piezoelectricity and pyroelectricity.) The latter effect causes tourmline crystals in display cases to attract dust particles to themselves. In 1993 a Japanese group published an article suggesting that exposure of cells to tourmaline crystals causes possibly-beneficial changes to human leukocytes. But the fact that they attribute these effects in part to "far-infrared radiation" makes one wonder about their scientific competence. As far as I am aware, there is no credible evidence that tourmaline products offer any health benefit.

The ScaleHound purports to be a replacement for conventional ion-exchange water softeners. They make the scientifically absurd claim that

Inside the Scalehound unit is quartz crystal and precious metals that have been manufactured and arranged in a particular way to which it emits a frequency wave that is able to restructure the water molecules permanently giving you the feeling of soft water. 

Farther on, they feed us more new-age mind-mush about the magic of quartz:

Quartz is an abundant material which has the ability to enhance energy by absorbing, storing, amplifying, balancing, focusing and transmitting.  Quartz is a natural occurring element that has not been analyzed fully by the scientific community, yet we have discovered the secret to harnessing this magnificent resource for the benefit of civilization.

You can install it yourself "by just clamping it on to any copper, pex (plastic) or steel pipe."

This product appears to be a glorified water filter based on the magic of quartz crystals. It combines nonsense about water clusters, crystal magic, chackras and auras. The "energized" quartz crystals possess "piezoelectric natural energy exponentially enhanced to have a stronger energy level". Thier "proof" consists of a lot of meaningless SEM photos.The product claims (falsely, in my opinion) to soften water.

The basis for this rubbish seems to be the "inventions" of one Marcel Vogel, described as "a former IBM scientist" who is quoted as stating that

“A crystal is an assemblage of molecules that form a unit cell, a consciousness, a soul. It takes your program and draws to itself the replication of its image.”

Elsewhere, it is stated that

if you turn water around a charged Vogel Crystal, the moving body of water will pick up the field from the crystal, through resonant interaction, and the charge transferred will structure the water. Another discovery was that when a quartz crystal is left in water, it changes the pH balance and had fewer impurities. The results were testimony of better tasting water. Plants have also been known to grow faster with crystal in the potting soil.

Shungite

Shungite is a recent addition to the list of magical minerals that is supposed to protect you from everything... except from the hucksters who flog shungite key fobs and similar geegaws that purport to enclose you in a virtual protective dome — great for those who see electromagnetic threats from every direction and have felt threatened ever since leaving their mother's womb:

"it eliminates and absorbs all that imposes a hazard on people and living beings, but it concentrates and restores all that is helpful for a human being. Shungite shields electromagnetic radiation of high and ultrahigh frequency. The scientists who have investigated the shungite declare unanimously, it is a miracle!

As if that were not enough, it cures whatever-ails-you:

headaches, stomachaches pain, spots on skin, aches in a back and others. Shungite pyramid is a shield for hazardous radiation. The scientific investigations of trustworthy scientists showed that pathogenic and electromagnetic radiation causes heart diseases and up to 60% cancer diseases. They are able to protect people from negative influence, is a guard against the "evil eye", that is against alien negative power-information field, which leads to sudden deterioration of human health for no obvious reason." [link]

[And for those who are tormented by "alien negative power-information fields", it's probably cheaper than a psychiatrist!]

Shungite is a rare carbon mineral closely related to anthracite coal. As such, it probably contains the usual assortment of carbonaceous muck, but also some fullerenes ("buckyballs") — presently the only known natural source of these interesting compounds. Some components leach out on contact with water, and some people are foolish enough to drink this stuff. Shungite has been a part of Russian folk-medicine since the time of Peter the Great, and, incommon with a number of minerals (including petroleum and tars), it does exhibit antiseptic properties. Beyond this,there is of course no credible evidence for any of the fraudulant hype.

The Russian Orthodox Church is reported have joined the shungite scam by selling cellphone protector stickers.

Sicon silliness

The makers of another device aim their pitch at the subset of science-ignorant suckers who are into crystal-power and chackras. The asking price of around $200 can be regarded as a kind of a tax on stupidity. Here is a summary of some of their promotional bunk— much of which is typical of what will be found at similar huckster sites:

Vivified nonsense

"A special composition of natural minerals (nono-crystals)" is claimed to "create an harmonizing and ordering paramagnetic resonance field that enables the water to restructure its molecules." The vendor claims that the resulting "re-vitalised" water reduces scaling, increases plant growth, assists detoxification, stabilized the immune system, and restores "harmony and energy levels". Of course, consumers must take this on pure faith, since no evidence for any of these benefits is given. Suckers only for this one!

Humic humbug

If drinking or bathing in swamp water is for you, then any number of nostrums based on humic acid or related substances might have some appeal. Humic substances (Wikipedia, NorthEastern U. Humic Research Group) are the products of partial decomposition of plant material in anoxic conditions such as exist in soils, peat bogs and swamps. They are complex polymeric substances of indefinite composition which are often classified as humic or fulvic acids, depending on their solubility properties. Humic substances are the principal organic fraction of soils, and they are able to bind a very large variety of inorganic ions (including heavy metals), as well as taking up non-water soluble organic substances. But leave it to the health-quackery industry to flog these substances to credulous consumers:

... they help our cells absorb vitamins and nutrients and maintain balance. Humic substances are also natural detoxifiers, antioxidants and free radical scavengers. [link]

Among their other ridiculous claims, we are told that

Ground water and even spring waters are now contaminated with pesticides, metals and industrial chemicals. Since fulvic acids enter the cells we must be sure that the pattern of the toxic molecules are not carried into the cell. Even the best filtration can not remove his negative pattern from water; even distillation cannot— this is a well established homeopathic principle.

Well, I very much doubt that any molecules as huge as fulvic acids can enter cells at all, which is probably just as well, considering the wide variety of chemically active and oxidizing groups they contain, as well as whatever metal ions and other organic gunk they might carry along with them.

Several humic/fulvic acid products masquerade as "detoxifying" supplements; one claims that consumption of these materials "by any life form" (worms?) results in

increased energy is among the first results, followed by a noticeable improvement in morale. Other effects could include decreased appetite, deeper, higher-quality sleep, and a lessening of pain and debility from arthritis or physical injuries. [link]

...and more nonsensical pseudoscience:

[Fulvic acid] is the finest electrolyte known to man. Its electrolytes are able to restore vitality in all life forms. When the electrolyte potential (the zeta potential) fades away, so does energy and health. It is indeed the main reason why we get old. It promotes an electrochemical balance as both donor and receptor of electrons. [link]

Most pitches for these dubious products mention their use in Ancient Chinese [link] and Ayurvedic medicine, and also claim "decades of extensive research and proven results" but, like most promoters of "alternative health" products, never seem able to cite any supporting evidence in the reputable clinical literature.

For an independent opinion on humic acid supplements, see this 2017 article by Marilia Coutinho Ph.D.

Lignite cocktail

Lignite is a similar humic material, but more compressed and coal-like. Anyway, a Bionic Sciences product called Restore makes a supplement containing a "stabilized lignite extract" they call "Terrahydrite". (They have recenlly announced that they will be changing the description of the product to [the more palatable "Aqueous Humic Substances.)

On another page, BS's founder states that Restore "promotes strong membrane integrity through its direct and indirect effects on the tight junctions of the bowel wall and vascular systems of the body." (It is not clear that this is a common or widely encountered clinical problem.) It acts indirectly by serving as a medium that promotes the growth of "microbiome balance" in the colon.  In support of these claims, BS cites two articles coauthored by BS's CEO that have appeared in an "open source" journal.  These were not clinical studies on actual patients, but were carried out on cultered human epithelial cells.

This is all well and good, but does Restore offer any real health advantages?  I am not aware of any clear evidence that it does, lack of any independent studies and BS's mass marketing directly to the alternative-health crowd leaves me very skeptical.

• Highya: Restore Reviews - Is it a scam or legit?
• ConsumerLab: Do any supplements help for ulcerative colitis?

Zeolite zaniness

Zeolites are clay-like porous mineral and synthetic materials based typically on sodium aluminum silicates which possess the ability to absorb and exchange metallic ions of many kinds. The powdered solids have a large variety of uses, one of which is the production of worthless nostrums for which the usual groundless claims are made: "detoxifying" the body's cells, restore "pH balance", acting as antioxidants, and, particularly egregious, curing/preventing cancer.

The cancer-cure claims commonly cite scientific studies suggesting that zeolites such as clinoptilolite have been found to interfere with cell signalling pathways that are involved in some cancers. This is correct, but so have many thousands of other substances; there is a very long path from these observations to clinical results. The marketing claims about the health aspects of zeolite materials lack credible scientific support, and can be considered little more than deceptive marketing. One article of interest claims that a zeolite-derived product might be harmful.

Zeolites are solids and their properties are directly dependent on their solid-state structure; zeolites cannot exist as liquids, nor can they be dissolved in liquids without decomposition. This elementary fact has not deterred numerous promoters from offering "liquid zeolite" products, often at extortionate prices; these should be regarded as nothing more than old-fashioned snake-oil. As for ingesting solid zeolites, they are largely inert and will simply pass through the digestive tract without much change. There is no reason to believe that they can pass into the vascular system, and thence into individual cells. Two typical misinformation-filled sites are this one, and also this rant on something called "Natural Cellular Defense".

As if taking advantage of chemistry-challenged consumers and desperate cancer victims is not bad enough, some hucksters go for the new-age mind-mush crowd:

"A group of scientists recently met and they put these drops under an electron microscope and discovered that this product is alive. It is generating light. They they dehydrated it and reconstituted it and it still emits light. In other words... Cellular Electrical Energy is the Life Force of the BodyTHIS RECHARGES THE HUMAN BATTERY!" [link]

Well, anybody who falls for this kind of garbage can consider the money they pay as a "tax on stupidity".

Prill Beads: Magic from magnesium

One of the goofiest products I have come across are "Prill Beads" which consist of "magnesium oxide infused with Life Force." These magical beads "have a natural affinity to anything unnatural. This is why they help rid the body of heavy metals, toxins and dead proteins." Water that is treated by these "prills" is claimed to have smaller molecules (for better absorption by the body) and is restored to the state found in amniotic fluid and "primordial dew". How do they make this magical stuff? By magic, of course! Their device

can be pictured as a configuration of the Force of Love. An outer ring containing more than 120,000 pounds of the Crystal form of Love ... and an inner ring where the force is stored. ... Anything placed in this space, simply becomes magical.

What could be easier? The site, containing some of the silliest we have seen, also claims that your treated used bath water will help restore the aquatic environment after it disappears down the drain.

Pursanova ™ poppycock

This company's products are supposed to be based on certain unspecified "ores" that they claim establishes some kind of "resonance" with water,

"causing the bending and stretching vibration to accelerate and become faster and more active... H+ of water is given more opportunity to bond and reduce its surrounding “_“ (negative electrons) . This very action of H+ bonding to “–“ creates a reduced state in water"

This is of course utter nonsense, as are many other claims, totally lacking in credible scientific support:

• "Bodily fluids are deoxidized, made stronger, more balanced, and the body’s immune system is strengthened."
• Their PursaLex™ system utilizes an "anti-gravitational process first reduces harmful antioxidants and the“oxidation” found in regular water"
• "It is able to condition and energize all living organisms it touches, whether humans, plants, animals, bacteria, even fungi." (So do you really want to "energize" those bacteria and fungi in and around you?)
• They also offer a PursaLite™ stirring rod that magically conveys the benefits of their "resonance technology" to your favorite beverage.

But you don't need to depend on water to supply your ions; there are many outfits offering "ion-generating jewelry". One brand name might better describe some kind of laxative:

Water smacking nonsense

The pseudoscience-filled promo for the Water Smacker® has to be seen to be [dis]believed! It will not only micro-cluster and "ionize" your drinking water; its internal Tesla coils will also give it (and you!) an electrostatic charge, which will help your cells absorb water. Never mind that the miniscle negative charge that this device puts in he small amount of water you drink will be dispersed to nothingness within the far greater mass of your body (and also that your cells need no help in absorbing water as long as you drink enough!)

Perhaps the most ludicrous claim is that the device "sends the natural Schumann frequency 7.5hz of the Earth into the water." Rubbish! Everything on the earth is already exposed to this frequency, which is produced by the radio waves from world-wide lightning strikes in the waveguide-like space between the earth's surface and its conductive ionosphere. 

On another page they spout on about "ORMUS" pseudoscience, which I debunk elsewhere on this same page.

And, of course, they make the usual false claim that "Cancer can not grow in an alkaline body".

Turapitch pitcher pitch

This over-the-top, over-hyped, and scientifically-unsupported screed proclaims that ordinary water will "make you older", but the "fountain of youth" they offer will deliver "this super-powerful antioxidant" to your ailing mitochondria and help "maintain the energy of your your youth".  And what is this wondrous stuff?  Hydrogen, of course!  And where does the H₂ come from?  Why from their magical pitcher, part of which is made of metallic magnesium, which, they tell us, reacts with water to release hydrogen gas, of which a minute quantity dissolves in water:  Mg + 2 H₂O → Mg(OH)₂ + H₂. What they don't tell you, as any chemist could, is that this reaction only takes place when the H₂O is in the form of steam; Mg does not react with water at room temperature.  Another example of exploiting the scientifically ignorant.

Hyashi's water schtick

This site offers a device called a HydrogenRich Water Stick that purports to add hydrogen to water. There is no indication of how it works, but there is an abundance of blather about its supposed benefits:

"Hydrates up to 6 times ore than hydrogen-poor water - Lubricates joints and muscles - keeps our minds alert - helps the body absorb nutrients - studies have shown that drinking 5 glasses of Hydrogen Rich Water a day can decrease the risk of colon cancer, bladder cancer and breast cancer"

No evidence for any of these fantastic claims is offered. The site does refer to several Japanese-authored research articles in which hydrogen-perfused water has been shown to have certain antioxidant properties, but in all cases the hydrogen was from another source.

Active-hydrogen generator

The above facts did not prevent one outfit from flogging an "active hydrogen water generator" that purported to produce a "hydrogen-rich water" which is supposed to enrich water with both ordinary H₂ and "atomic" H (untrue!), producing a product claimed to be similar to "ionized alkaline water" except better. They tout it as a treatment for everything from Diabetes, osteoporosis and heart disease to Erectile Dysfunction– and say that it also diminishes "the digusting odor of fæces"! But another company does even better by [falsely] claiming that their dietary supplement product creates both "life-giving nascent oxygen and body-building nascent hydrogen". which they claim can cure such ills as arthritis, obesity, diabetes, osteoporosis, and erectile disfunction; as an added bonus they promise that "offensive odor of fæces will diminish markedly"— will wonders never cease. Unfortunately, there are all to many science-ignorant consumers who are actually likely to believe these lies.

More fibbing about hydrogen :

The purpose of hydrogen is to give structure to the body. What do you get when you bubble hydrogen through vegetable oil? You get margarine! Now, imagine hydrogen without oxygen. Your cells could become like margarine. [link]

You may remember that it is the smallest Critical Element and is capable of passing through the cell wall. In order for our cells to function they must communicate with each other through electrons but electrons can not move in the body without hydrogen. Cells must have oxygen but oxygen does not work without hydrogen. Cells cannot multiply or grow without hydrogen. The very fabric of our being, our DNA, is held together by Hydrogen bonds. Hydrogen is literally the fuel of life. [link]

When we are born we have plenty of Hydrogen but as we age our Hydrogen pool becomes depleted. When this occurs, free radicals steel it from essential areas thus accelerating aging and disease. [link]

Why settle for H₂O when you can drink H₄O?

As I see it, this small grain of scientific fact has been expanded into fully-fledged water-quackery pseudoscience by a Japan-based outfit that flogs something called "H4O Hydrogen-Bonded Water". This is apparently just water (H₂O, which of course is always "hydrogen bonded"), to which molecular hydrogen (H₂) has been added. Because H₂ is practically insoluble in water, they bottle it under high pressure (very much as with ordinary carbonated water), but even then, the actual quantity of H₂ in the water is minute, of the order of 10^–6 mol/L— which hardly sounds like "reperfusion therapy" to me! Once the pressure is released and the water reaches the warm interior of your stomach, most of the H₂ gas will bubble out of the water, making for an expensive (and potentially explosive!) burp. Although it is likely that a small amount of H₂ can diffuse into the bloodstream, there is no reason to believe that it can have any significant beneficial effects.

The H4O product is touted as being a powerful reducing agent, despite the lack of evidence that ingestion of exogenous reducing agents has any beneficial health effects. One of their Web pages makes the following unbelievable claim:

From our studies, "H4O Hydrogen-Bonded Water" is able to control ingurgitation capability of macrophage that is etiology of diabetes, renal insufficiency and skin disorders. At the same time, our result of researchs showed that hydrogen has great
potential to prevents brain infarction and cancer.

In keeping with the alkaline-water craze, they say that the pH of the product is 7.7. This means that the water must contain something else in addition to hydrogen (almost certainly a metallic ion of some kind), but they don't say what this might be.

Hydride ions

Those quys peddling "hydrogen" as a free-radical fighter are pikers compared to outfits offering the far more powerful "negative hydrogen ions". Anyone who has passed high school chemistry should know that the hydride ion H^–decomposes in water to form what amounts to lye — which, if ingested, would likely dissolve your esophagus!

But not to worry; this genius guy has claimed (without any convincing evidence) to render these hydride ions harmless by "stabilizing" them in the form of an antioxidant dietary supplement. More recently, another vendor, oiffering something called HydroZen has jumped on the bandwagon, claiming that thir "negative hydrogen ions" are hidden away within coral calcium structures — thus giving you two absurdities for the price of one!

...and deuterium too!

In my humble opinion, there are few health-quackery Web sites that contain a higher proportion of false and deceptive statements than those promoting this classic snake-oil:

[Our product] super-energized complex concentrate of 78 trace minerals, 34 enzymes, 17 amino acids, electrolytes and dissolved oxygen held in a negatively-charged suspension utilizing deuterium, an isotope of hydrogen. {It] creates this life-giving nascent oxygen and bodybuilding nascent hydrogen by dissociating or splitting- the water molecule by weakening the bonding electrons.

They also recycle the daffy "Bovis" BS about "life energy" that is discussed at the top of this page:

Scientists Simeonton, Likhovsky and Bovis estimated that the aver age human body radiates a life force frequency of 6,500 angstroms- with cancer patients radiating at 1,875 angstroms (the same measurement as for refined white bread). just one drop of Cellfood®'s powerful 'electromagnetic equation' in 6-8 ounces of water emanates 77,000 units of radiant life energy

[link]

Anyone who has taken even an elementary chemistry course will recognize this as erroneous nonsense. There are the usual unsubstantiated and ridiculous health claims ("aids clear thinking", "helps to reduce and/or eliminates menopausal hot flashes and night sweats"). The product itself is described as a

"super energized colloidal mineral concentrate. ... Di-base, Di-pole Deuterium Sulfate provides an incredible oxygen source and delivery system to the body at the cellular level."

Deuterium sulfate? Deuterium is the isotope ²H (often given the symbol D) which makes up about 1 out of 10,000 of the hydrogen atoms found in nature. Although extensive research has shown that organisms are unable to survive on heavy water (D₂O is well-known to thoroughly gum up most enzymatic reactions), the same sites go on about its supposed benefits, spinning a tale about an inventor/con-artist (take your pick!) Everett M. Storey (whom they falsely identify as a two-time Nobel laurate) and a ficticious Deuterium Freedom Act purportedly passed by the U.S. 99th Congress that confirms deuterium's ability to "speed up the digestive process". However, the extensive list of chemicals in CellFood does not mention deuterium, although the list does include such falsely-claimed-to-be-beneficial elements as actinium, gadolinium, neon, technetium (!) and xenon. Another sad case of selling snake-oil to the suckers.

Frequency-infused waters (for the frequently confused)

The idea that "vibrations" or "natural frequencies" of various substances or of light itself can be imposed on water might seem eminently reasonable to the science-challenged, for whom any number of goofy products based on this fiction are available.

Perhaps the dumbest of these promotions comes from The Vibrancy Path, which offers a line of "Vibrancy Essences":

"Using a highly specialized instrument and a proprietary process, distilled water is infused with the light frequency that is an energetic match of the corresponding Power. This electromagnetically charged water then carries the consciousness of that specific Power"

I would love to see their "specialized instrument"! The infamous Masaru Emoto can apparently accomplish the same thing merely by sticking an appropriately-worded label on a bottle of ordinary water.

"The Vibrancy Powers are frequencies in y our energy field and in your physical body. The Vibrancy Essences are remedies which use the same vibrational frequencies as the corresponding Powers, which is why they align you with these gifts  and traits".

Perhaps they should offer a "Critical Thinking"nostrum to the suckers who are inclined to fall for this nonsense!

If water can be infused with "vibrations", why not with "intention"? Just say it and it is done:  H2Om Intention-Infused Water is a bottled drinking water that purports to do just this!

"Several distinctive energetic frequencies are infused in each bottle of H2Om, using words, thought, music and human interaction. Initially, the label itself provides intention. Utilizing words, symbols and colors on the label. Each bottle also contains the symbol of the “Om,” a primordial frequency. The words “Love” or “Perfect Health” are written on the label in many of the world’s languages. A specific color vibration has also been chosen for each bottle, which coordinates with a corresponding chakra. After the bottling process is complete H2Om LLC charges the water in the storage facility with sound and music with intent."

"A final energetic frequency is the power of thought - The consumer’s individual ability to connect to the water and literally, “Drink” the vibration inspired and supported by the words on the label. This vibration reverberates in the body and out into the world." [link]

Wellan Ring woowoo

An outfit that calls itself Wellan Synergy Incorporated is promoting a "new innovation in water treatment" that is so far outside the realm of the real world, that their completely goofy "how it works" page must be directed to the residents of some alternative la-la land universe! 

"Wellan Rings work through bio-signals, which have been stored in the ring's interior."

These "bio-signals", unknown to science, which consist of Frequency patterns from the ultra-fine range (quantum vibrations)", have been implanted into the "base metal crystals" within the ring by means of "a laser technology".

The whole process seems to be based on a crackpot theory of chemistry which holds that atoms possess "vibrations" which interact with one another to fuse together into molecules. The Wellan Ring works by sending out-of-phase vibrations that havs been implanted within it, back into the water system that cancel out the atomic oscillations, causing the molecules of such things as "lime, rust, scale or bio-fouling matter" to break apart.

Given that the Wellan Ring site did not contain any sales pitch when I encountered it in 2017, I cannot help wondering if this might be an intentional spoof — an attempt to see how many science-ignorant suckers fall for this nonsense!

Imploded water - Vortex water

Care Free Water System's pseudoscience-filled "science" page offers a good view of this nonsense.

An outfit that calls itself the Centre for Implosion Research is a veritable supermarket of vortex-related pseudoscience junk.

{The Original Vortex Energizer} (d. 2005) offered a wide range of far-out water-weirdness. An older version of their page (which features a huge collection of goofy products such as the {Orgone Blood Zapper} and the "super-ionized" water described above) tells us that their {Vortex Water Energiser}

"acts as a cosmic antenna and amplifier which takes its energy directly from the Quantum Sea of Energy or Ether, a subtle form of energy which is all around us. This means that no electrical power supply is required. Just placing the [the device] beside ordinary 'lifeless' water will cause it to become charged and healthy once again. Direct contact with water is not necessary as the energy is transferred by way of vibration."

Think of it! You simply physically attach this sealed copper-tube spiral containing "highly energized water" to your water main, your radiator pipe, swimming pool inlet, or your car's cooling system, and receive all of the benefits of revitalized water, which allow your body to cope much better with the detrimental effects of pollutants, chemicals, and electromagnetic radiation. Other claimed benefits include

• Plants watered with ... energized water shows 250% increase in crop yield.
• Plants required 50% less feeding with ... energized water.
• Vortex energized water shows substantially increased geometric structure of water molecule.
• Placing the [device] temporarily in ponds and pools has shown an increase in oxygen and reduced bacterial growth and stagnation.

It's hard to believe that there are actually people who are credulous enough to fall for this garbage.
A "research paper" On the action of the Vortex Energizer on water  sounds impressive until you note the author's admission that virtually all of the effects he describes fall within the range of error of the instruments he uses.

Although the "Vortex Energizers" mentioned above are presumably no longer available (the liks are to archived pages), you can still buy a "Vortex Water Revitalizer" from World Living Water Systems, which makes similarly asinine claims (e.g., "Revitalized water does not slosh in your stomach!"); their device consists of a tube containing a twisted spiral which they [incorrectly] describe as a "double helix DNA cycloid".

Nordic Nonsense, Alive Water

This outfit markets a "Water Revitalizer" which not only features a "double spiraling flowform creating a very powerful vortex energy field" but comes "charged up with energy". They claim that the vortex motions cause suspended bacteria and oxygen to come together so that the bacteria are killed. A more recent "AliveWater" site promotes much the same B.S. See here for my comments on some of the other goofy claims they have made.

Clayton's crackpot claims

Natural Action Structured Water (a.k.a. Water of Wellness) and its "inventor" Clayton Nolte shamelessly flog a line of devices that are alleged to impart "structure" to water by means of vortex-induced spin ("in both directions simultaneously"), "break[ing] up large low energy water molecule clusters into smaller high-energy clusters." The resulting water is claimed to be "free of memory" and having "balanced pH". But more importantly, it imparts "life force energy":

"The water molecule has the power, the individual mandate to protect life, and that is to protect it from the things that are adverse to life and to generously provide the things that are good for life. And the way it does that? The things that are adverse to life are pulled to the inside of the water molecule and shielded from life itself"

That's right, science fiction fans; the individual H₂O molecules, Clayton seems to have discovered, are really hollow inside (news to anyone who has passed high school chemistry!), and his  vortex magic pulls into this hollow space all the stuff that is "bad for life" (chlorine, fluoride, "toxins"), thus shielding them from your bodily fluids, your pets, or your plants and farm  crops. An even better (and more expensive) "Dynamically Enhanced" model ($250 to $1500) also "infuses biophotonic energy", producing water that"removes pesticides, heavy metals, bacteria, increases immunity", etc. etc.

You don't believe this nonsense? Here's a description of a goofy camera-like device that photographs the "electron cloud" that emerges from an electro-stimulated water drop. There's also a "lab report" that purports to verify these absurd claims.

Ultimate Water nonsense

Ultimate Water Inc. claims that their so-called "Utopic Structured Water" device

"employs an innovative application and advanced understanding of the vortex phenomenon utilizing the dynamic characteristic of water itself ... that works at the molecular level. This “FluidMachine” alters the molecular structure of the water, activating and retaining the healthful benefits of minerals and characteristics, while excess suspended solids, contaminants and sediment are dynamically isolated or removed."

How do they accomplish this miracle? By invoking the following complete nonsense:

"Specially tuned geometry creates an energy environment for water to structure itself. This gives water a lower surface tension and better hydrating properties. This geometric technology breaks up large low-energy water molecule clusters into smaller high energy clusters. This systematic treatment eliminates negative energy patterns (sometimes called the memory of water) and redefines the water's natural healthy energy pattern. Structured water allows us to imprint through the DNA and RNA the knowledge of its secret blue print and help one to become balanced in the universe."

References

Keith McCall's Water Stupidity page has a lot of good stuff on structure-altered water, as well as on Benveniste's "water memory" experiments relating to homeopathy. He also favors us with some choice irate letters from True Believers, along with his responses.

Martin Chaplin's Water Structure and Properties site is a scientifically sound, well laid-out collection of articles on water and its structure which I highly recommend. One of these pages has some interesting information and links relating to water clusters, "polywater", and CACA.

A fair number of water-quackery schemes are based on the widely popular (and totally unsupported by clinical evidence) form of pseudoscience known as homeopathy: NCAHF paper. The idea that water can retain any kind of "memory" (as Benveniste suggested) is not supported by much evidence, although a recent carefully-done study does raise this intriguing possibility.

For science teachers: see Using pseudoscience as a teaching aid for some interesting ways to make use of pseudoscience sites, and some chemistry-related examples.

Quackery-awareness sites worth a visit:
National Council Against Health Fraud  -  QuackWatch  - The Quack Files - Worldwide Scam Network - How to spot a quack - Quackery information links - Alternative Medicine$ The Multi-billion $ Fraud!
U.S. Federal Trade Commision: index page - Dietary supplement advertising rules - File-a-complaint
U.S. Federal Drug Administration Consumers Page -

The truth about human aging - In an attempt to counter the widespread commercial hype and lies regarding anti-aging products, 51 leading scientists in the field of aging research collaborated on a position paper that sets out the current state of the science.

Some goofy writings on water: Biomagnetism and water (Y. Ohno and H. Reminick), Structured water as an alternative medicine (J. Bender), The Power of Water (J. Manning), Water: Essential to Existence (D. Stewart and D. Routledge).

"The Message from Water" is a book by Masaru Emoto containing photos of ice crystals from waters which have been exposed to

Wiccan water. Water apparently plays a role in Wiccan ritual; a now-defunct site had an amusing bit about "sun water, moon water, crystal water, water rituals... Call forth the Magick of the Spirit of Water to fill your home. May the Water that flows through you bring blessings to this family." ... which brings us to

Urine Therapy - another form of magical water quackery; a typical site is Shirley's Wellness Cafe (I don't think I will be dining there soon!) At this now-unavailable jesus-diet.com site presided over by a "Naturopathic Urine Therapist (the initials say it all!) we were informed that "Jesus drank urine." (Ah, sweet breath!).

Water as a hazardous substance:  Ban DHMO