Wonky Water weirdness and quackery

The Spin Doctor and the Bogus Energy Scale

This guy who bills himself as "The Water Doctor" brings you a wealth of incredible products promising the usual medicine-show array of wonderful-sounding but ill-defined health benefits which are sure to be experienced by those who are in the right frame of mind. The most recent version of the site displays an image of the older-but-not-apparently-wiser Doctor, but has repackaged the nostrum as QuantaWater™ which

harnesses the energy of nature with harmonics that resonate in unison with the body’s crystalline structures to energize our cells. Highly coherent, QuantaWater™ contains life-supporting resonances, the earth’s magnetic energies, and has low surface tension with vortex spin motion, and a high Bovis potential.

The earlier nostrum was apparently based on the fiction that atoms and molecules can be made to "spin" to the right or to the left (hey, doesn't this depend on the direction from which you are looking at them?) and that for water at least, this somehow affects the way it interacts with your body. How these magical properties are imparted to the water is not explained, but people who are sufficiently credulous to fall for this stuff are not usually inclined to ask. To make this even more [pseudo]scientific, he spins up more nonsense relating to positive and negative electrical charge using a scheme of measurement unknown to legitimate science:

The Bovis Scale, developed by a French physicist, quantifies or measures how positively or negatively charged a substance is. For living organisms, the key reference point on the scale is found at 6,500 Bovis Energy Units. From 0 to 6,500, the charge is in the NEGATIVE range, or life-detracting, while above the 6,500 point the energy gradually becomes more POSITIVE, or life-enhancing. The desired minimal energy level for humans is found between 8,000 to 10,000 Bovis Energy Units, or slightly positive. The Earth itself creates energy in the 7,000 to 18,000 range. This energy is also referred to as "Biophotons", which are light particles invisible to our eyes. This positive radiation is necessary to the maintenance of life on Earth.

Don't bother to ask where these numbers come from, to what precision they are known, or what the wavelength of these fictional "biophotons" might be— this is pseudoscience, after all! We are then fed the following untruth:

Scientists have discovered a direct correlation between the Bovis Scale and the direction of spin displayed by an atom or molecule. Atoms registering in the negative Bovis range will spin to the right, or clockwise. Atoms in the positive range spin in the opposite direction, to the left. Examples found in nature of this spin property include our cellular DNA, which is in a left-turning spiral. In contrast, cancer cells are in a right-turning spin.

Amazing that these spin doctors should have stumbled onto an aspect of cancer that has eluded thousands of real scientists, but bunk knows no bounds! But it doesn't stop there; this magical water can transfer its energy to other water that happens to be nearby, or so they say in an effort to get you into the mood of offering up your credit card for worthless products such as the following:

When any substance is placed in or on [this device], the "energy information" is transferred from the water between the [its] double walls to the water in the new liquid or solid. All electrons in the substance take on a positive left spin. Their free radical nature is virtually eliminated! ... The body can more easily process chemicals, allergens, or pathogens out of the body... The addictive nature of substances is reduced... The body is given more natural energy without artificial highs. Candy, sodas and deserts may be placed in or on the mug for reduced cravings and blood sugar disruption. Allows a total of nearly two liters of liquid to be energized overnight to the ideal energy balancing level of approx. 90,000 Bovis Energy Units!

(They also sell a similar drinking cup and mug.) That stuff about electron spins is of course errant nonsense that could be disproven by any high school chemistry student with a magnet, and there is no evidence to suggest that any of the purported benefits extend beyond the mind of the user. But why not "correct" all the water in your house?

The [device] should be attached to the cold water pipe going into the house... The wand raises the natural energy level above 18K Bovis on most tap and well water (up from less than 4000 in most well and city waters.

The Bovis Scale is based on a goofy pendulum device "biometer" that seems to have something to do with "cosmic energy".

More recently, this outfit has branched out into the even weirder realm of quantum pseudoscience:

The new generation of Quantum Energy Appliances (QE) utilizes a unique configuration that maximizes ion oscillations and electron stability down to the sub-molecular level. Their ability to tap into the high frequency coherent energies (ZeroPoint Energy) found naturally in the environment and amplify them counterbalances the artificial suppression of these natural life supporting energies by man's "progress." [link]

Bottom Line: None of this garbage, or any of the Water Doctor's prescriptions are to be believed!

More quantum spin bunk...

Picking up on the "free energy" shtick, a "hyper-physicist" named Dan Nelson claims to have developed something called a "Geometric Laser" which, he says, generates a "time-reversed particle wave" which provides "the water with energy turned back to the water from vacuum space around the particles." As he helpfully explains on this Quantum Tech page (which is guaranteed to send physics-savvy students into howls of laughter)

Bringing any pure water to a higher coherent quantum state and maintaining it there requires the manipulation of quantum thermodynamics. ... The virtual laser imposes coherence (structure) on the vacuum medium around and through a given volume water and rotates energy out of vacuum into the fundamental water molecules. As entropy decreases (time reversed energy always runs thermodynamics in reverse) water physically expresses this by reorganizing fundamental particles to acquire a higher coherent quantum state. ... [The water] assumes a minimum spin state of 1.8 million bio-angstroms.

Don't worry if you don't know what a "bio angstrom" is; nobody else does either! We are also told that

Quantum Tech Water carries all of the correct isotopic waveforms needed for optimum health and well being. Water possesses an amazing memory-like property, which allows it to store frequency information in the quantum state; this may be the mechanism which brings the benefits of minerals to all of the body’s cells in the first place. These energies are used for all creative, maintenance, healing and repair functions in the body. [link]

You can see a bunch of videos showing this snake-oil salesman in action, and you can buy it here for $40 for half a liter.

Another flogger of "reverse spin water" offers similar "energy mugs". The site points out that

...if you're drinking right spinning water, you're not getting the energy you need to get healthy.  In fact, right spinning water actually robs you of energy!

So this outfit will sell you an "energy mug" that within two minutes, "will change the spin of right turning, unhealthy water into left spinning HEALTHY water." And there's more (of course!):

It can take the pollutants that may still be present in the water, and essentially neutralize them and make them less harmful, if not totally harmless!

All unbelievable nonsense!

It's in the book!

According to a now-gone Creationist site, the concept of "water spin" has a Biblical connection:

Genesis 1:2 explains that the Spirit of God moved upon the "face" (literal Hebrew: to "turn" as the face "turns" to approach another) of the waters. This probably refers both to the rotation of the planet and to the rotation of each water molecule (these molecules have a natural "spin"). This action would "charge" water to its highest level on the surface of the planet, as well as the reservoir in the great deep below the surface (Gen. 7: I 1).

Eloptic Energized Water from God him/herself

A Multi-level marketing scheme that has enlisted hundreds of pseudoscience-flogging dealers offers a variety of products promising to cure all ills:

The Master’s Miracle Neutralizer will help your immune system be more effective in it’s fight against free-radicals; the a way God originally intended. And since your body will be running more efficiently, regular use of the neutralizer may also promote healthy weight loss. Many testimonies report just adding drops of Master’s Miracle Neutralizer to your drinking water helps to make your water safer to drink and will wash bacteria and toxins out of the bloodstream like an internal detergent. [Link]

This "Electrically engineered eloptic energized stabilized oxygenated water" contains calcium, potassium, magnesium, ash of dedecyl solution and, most importantly, "the anointing of God." Nothing like invoking religion to con the masses! It's amusing that another bunch of religious nuts has put up a Web site condemning this as the work of the devil!

Pi in the sky

There appears to be more than one huckster flogging nostrums having "Pi" in their names. The best-known of these products is profiled at Pi Water and PiMag Water.

Another widely-promoted "alternative" water scheme feeds us this hokum:

During research on plant growth cycles, Japanese scientists discovered a form of water [that contains] specially-charged iron particles. The scientists referred to it as "living water" from the effects they perceived it had on plants and other growing things. [This] water was first detected more than 30 years ago.

{it] is iron base compound derived from bivalent and trivalent ferrates [and] is said as "living body water" ; "living body water" (i.e. water that constitutes a living body) is the water which can be found inside all living bodies including humans, animals and plants. Any water taken into a living body must be converted into this "living body water". If ordinary water taken into, a great deal of energy is consumed to convert it into this living body water.

None of the sites I have looked at offers references to the work of these "scientists", nor do they offer any credible evidence to support the statements and claims made about pi-water, many of which verge on the mystical:

What's this miracle water good for? According to one distributor's Web page, its benefits include: Restoring environmental conditions, Preventing bacteria proliferation, Suppressing harmful ions, Promoting growth, Rejuvenating life activities, Acquiring regeneration power, Enlarging adaptability, Ensuring normal growth.

The claim that marine- and fresh-water fish can live together in Pi-water might make the basis of a good Science Fair project.

Platonic solid poppycock

This site contains an unusually verbose description of a multitude of other "alternative" waters, explaining in great detail why they are not as good as Dr. Wheeler's own M-Water Concentrate– in my view, a classic example of the pot calling the kettle black! In an even greater outpouring of meaningless verbiage, we are told that

• Water is the perfect medium for bringing life supporting vibration and energy at the highest level of Unconditional Love in order to create living chemistry.[Why didn't I learn this when I took biochem?]
• [The inventor] has extracted the most important aspects of Platonic Solid Inversion Geometry that have to do with establishing life supporting vibration and frequency. His technology allows water to flow based on optimized Platonic Solid Inversion Geometry but without electronic machinery that would cause vibrational interference and distortion in the water molecule. [He] has learned how to turn the cube inside out in order to create the ideal and complex array of curved geometry that applies to water flow.
• Water provides the ideal molecular form of pure clarity to receive higher dimensional vibration and energy and is also the only substance to have a 100% capacity to move in the correct way in order to establish the higher dimensional doorway of chaos and zero point.
• By having more and more people drink [this] Water and using the... Unit at many different locations around the planet, the power of the different sacred places can be restored normal. This is an issue of changing the whole planet in order to change the individual parts.
• The underlying unity in the universe is tapped into via M-Activated Water so that every law of nature is stored as information in water in order to promote positive human evolution. Vital Living water in the way nature intended for drinking will create heaven on earth as human beings evolve in their hearts and make a more meaningful connection with Unconditional Love that is innately available from beyond the third dimension.

But what is this nostrum good for? According to the inventor (a chiropractor who promotes this stuff widely on radio infomercials)

Four Functional Benefits from Drinking [my water]: 1) increased absorption and utilization of nutrients; 2) more effective and efficient detoxification of the whole body; 3) increased oxygen utilization by the cells; and 4) a more perfect cellular replication process.

The site refers to various "clinical studies" which I have some difficulty taking seriously, owing both to their dubious-appearing source and the fact that they have not been subjected to independent review by qualified physiologists or chemists.

As with the various "clustered" and structure-altered water products, this water is claimed to be able to transfer its memory beyond the bottle:

...when M-Water is added in small amounts to clean drinking water it memorizes the subsequent changes in vibration, energy and molecular clustering (just two teaspoons ... are added to a gallon of clean drinking water, which then is defined as M-Activated Water based on water memory transfer) This fundamental memory transfer has been validated with the water crystallization studies... Furthermore, water transformation takes place simply by placing a bottle of [our water] next to a bottle of non-activated water ... By having more and more people drink[our water] every day a transmission of the more underlying coherence in the water in people's bodies will transfer to other people. Those who drink [it] every day will be helping other people heal through increasing coherence simply by being in close proximity.

There is no scientific support for any of these claims. In my view, this is pure pseudoscience in the service of quackery.

Far-IR Fantasies

There are hundreds of sites offering products that claim to produce "far-infrared" radiation, and all these claims are true: all bodies at temperatures above absolute zero emit far-ir, which the scientifically ignorant don't realize is just another word for "heat". Any claims beyond this, pertaining to the unique healing or beneficial qualities of this radiation, are pseudoscientific bunk. There appear to be several main categories of this mainly made-in-Japan nonsense:

• Special fabrics that purport to supply far-i.r. to the body such as "Far Infrared Therapy Clothing" and "Nikken ThermoWear Clothing"
• "Bio-Ceramics" that are supposed to do the same thing, such as Vita-Mat,
• Toxin-removal and cancer cure/prevention devices and "far-i.r. saunas" such as the Far Infrared Therapy Hothouse that employ a "special" lamp to generate the radiation (Note: all lamps that become warm during operation emit far-i.r.) Another "sauna" claims to be effective for a wide variety of treatments ranging from mercury detoxification to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. For those who prefer to detoxify while they sleep, there is are "detoxifying footpads".
• Minerals such as tourmaline (see below)

A heating pad called Bio-Mat™ mx Amethyst provides a fine example of pseudoscientific hype: they claim that it

"is a high-tech Negative Ion and Infrared Ray treatment system that emits many negative Ions and Far Infrared Rays, which contribute to a healthy life..."

and uses Amethyst which they say

"has come to be known as a power crystal with prolific healing powers that can be characterized as purifying, pacifying and transitional. Amethyst as a healing stone or crystal contains sobering and calming qualities and is used to treat and heal problems involving the central nervous system."

They misleadingly state that it is "substantiated by the Nobel Medical Committee", but the rreference they give has nothing to do with the product. Like many manufacturers, they prominently mention that it has FDA approval, but fail to note that such approval for devices (as opposed to medications) simply means that it is safe to use; it certainly does not support the ridiculous claims.

There is, of course, no credible evidence to support any of the health-benefit claims made by the promoters of these products.

Adding to this far-out-far-i.r. foolishness was a Florida outfit that marketed plastic "laundry balls" that "structured" the water by means of far-i.r. waves, thus eliminating the need for detergents. The company has been charged with deceptive sales practices in Utah and in Oregon.

Get me a Smirnov!

On the theory that the more-scientific-sounding the moniker, the more it will impress those who are unschooled in science, this outfit brings you a "Magnetic Resonance" technology dubbed MRET Water Activator (d. 4/2007) based on what I consider a "junk" U.S. Patent. While this machine sits quietly on your kitchen counter,

subtle low frequency electromagnetic field similar to the earth's magnetic field frequencies found in special healing springs is imprinted into the water. MRET Water has been programmed with signature frequencies that are anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-fungal and enhances cellular function. It is also the only water that energises and normalises the body's pH- without any additives being added to it.

How does the finished water differ from ordinary pure water? The answer would make anyone who has completed a high school chemistry course howl with laughter:

[This] water has higher molecular energy, faster vibrational frequencies and more intensive vibrational waves. During the ... activation process, the configuration of the water molecules makes the hydrogen-bonding structure stronger. Although the shape of the molecules has changed, the basic structure remains the same.

The key component of this machine is purportedly a

specially designed polymer light emitting diode that flashes at a specific pulse rate with a frequency that is similar to the earth's geo-magnetic frequency. This Earth's geo-magnetic frequency is an important factor in the sustenance of all life forms.

The genius behind this remarkable device is apparently one Igor Smirnov— the same one, I presume, who is into equally goofy mind control schemes as profiled here. According to this abstract, Smirnov published an article entitled "Activated Water" in the Electronic Journal of Biotechnology (an obscure Chilean journal). I have been unable to find any trace of this article in the cited issue (Vol 6, 2003-2), but a PDF version of the alleged article is available.

Photonic Ionization

This term is used to describe a process developed by gentleman who [falsely] claims that if fluids of specific chemical compositions, flowing through transparent conduits, were exposed to electromagnetic(photonic) fields of specific field strengths, wavelengths, pulse widths, amplitudes and frequencies, their molecules could be substantially modified and separated out of solution. The primary application is supposedly water desalination, but the inventor suggests that this process can be used to produce a variety of altered beverage products , including types suitable for therapy, anti-oxidants, super-oxygenated, herbal, purgative, deacidifying and carbonated/non-carbonated applications.

Comment: "Photonic ionization", needless to say, is complete nonsense. I have been unable to find primary references to this process on the Web. Most references to the process seem to point to "money shows" in which fund managers are invited to steer investors into great-sounding schemes.The company behind this was de-listed from the notorious OTC exchange in 2000.

Water-borne light-wave energy (weird!)

Here's a company that peddles a series of waters containing minerals which "are used to hold and carry electrically charged light-energy signals to areas of the body of animals and humans. Once the minerals have been fractionated to smaller components, they can be encoded with non-visible light waves. Different combinations of light waves are used in each formulation. Each product is coded to trigger specific responses according to the goals of a particular formulation" by means of "very subtle light wave energies that are obtained from nature." They go on to explain that "the entire body runs on light wave energies and senses their transmitted signals. If the signals are accurate and potent enough, the body responds favorably." In a bid to the believers in chiropractic, they offer a series of 26 formulations their snake oil, each carefully tuned to one of the "26 vertebrae and the ailments" purported to be associated with them.

I won't even try to debunk this fraudulent nonsense, since anyone who is credulous enough to take it seriously is likely too insulated from reason to even listen to rational argument.

Analyze your own Bio-Photons!

For only US $1850, you can get their your own Bio-Photon Analyzer that will, among other things, "make remedies, clone energies and homeopathics, and make antidotes."

A former Australian site describes a "filter" that employs several such substances:

A similar site touts some of these same minerals as cure-alls and re-creations of [fictional] "Hunza" waters.

Tourmaline tonic

"Tourmaline" has recently been the favorite buzzword for the marketers of all sorts of dubious products, including water filters.

"Tourmaline NATURALLY emits far infrared energy" [link] — but so does all matter at temperatures above absolute zero!

This site is typical of the breathless bunk being circulated about the magical nature of this mineral.

The facts: Tourmaline refers to a group of minerals (see this Wikipedia article) which, like many others such as quartz, possess some interesting electrical properties: squeezing them or subjecting them to heat produces an electrical potential difference between the two sides of a crystal. (These properties are respectively known as piezoelectricity and pyroelectricity.) The latter effect causes tourmline crystals in display cases to attract dust particles to themselves. In 1993 a Japanese group published an article suggesting that exposure of cells to tourmaline crystals causes possibly-beneficial changes to human leukocytes. But the fact that they attribute these effects in part to "far-infrared radiation" makes one wonder about their scientific competence. As far as I am aware, there is no credible evidence that tourmaline products offer any health benefit.

This product appears to be a glorified water filter based on the magic of quartz crystals. It combines nonsense about water clusters, crystal magic, chackras and auras. The "energized" quartz crystals possess "piezoelectric natural energy exponentially enhanced to have a stronger energy level". Thier "proof" consists of a lot of meaningless SEM photos.The product claims (falsely, in my opinion) to soften water.

The basis for this rubbish seems to be the "inventions" of one Marcel Vogel, described as "a former IBM scientist" who is quoted as stating that

“A crystal is an assemblage of molecules that form a unit cell, a consciousness, a soul. It takes your program and draws to itself the replication of its image.”

Elsewhere, it is stated that

if you turn water around a charged Vogel Crystal, the moving body of water will pick up the field from the crystal, through resonant interaction, and the charge transferred will structure the water. Another discovery was that when a quartz crystal is left in water, it changes the pH balance and had fewer impurities. The results were testimony of better tasting water. Plants have also been known to grow faster with crystal in the potting soil.

Sicon silliness

The makers of another device aim their pitch at the subset of science-ignorant suckers who are into crystal-power and chackras. The asking price of around $200 can be regarded as a kind of a tax on stupidity. Here is a summary of some of their promotional bunk— much of which is typical of what will be found at similar huckster sites:

Vivified nonsense

"A special composition of natural minerals (nono-crystals)" is claimed to "create an harmonizing and ordering paramagnetic resonance field that enables the water to restructure its molecules." The vendor claims that the resulting "re-vitalised" water reduces scaling, increases plant growth, assists detoxification, stabilized the immune system, and restores "harmony and energy levels". Of course, consumers must take this on pure faith, since no evidence for any of these benefits is given. Suckers only for this one!

Humic humbug

If drinking or bathing in swamp water is for you, then the products from this outfit might have some appeal. Humic substances are the products of partial decomposition of plant material in anoxic conditions such as exist in soils, peat bogs and swamps. They are complex polymeric substances of indefinite composition which are often classified as humic or fulvic acids, depending on their solubility properties. Humic substances are the principle organic fraction of soils, and they are able to bind a very large variety of inorganic ions (including heavy metals), as well as taking up non-water soluble organic substances. But leave it to the health-quackery industry to flog these substances to credulous consumers:

True Wu Jin San or “Black Gold Medicine” is widely accepted and used for medicinal purposes in China, Silagit in India, peat extracts in Europe and peat baths in Europe and Greece. Crucial to health and key to many diseases now said to be “incurable”, the Chinese medical literature and large studies show that to be true.

Needless to say, none of these "large studies" has appeared in the reputable scientific literature, and I doubt you will find much credible evidence on this page which summarizes the "decades of extensive research and proven results" by BioAg and its promoter, who has no apparent medical credentials.

Among their other ridiculous claims, we are told that

Ground water and even spring waters are now contaminated with pesticides, metals and industrial chemicals. Since fulvic acids enter the cells we must be sure that the pattern of the toxic molecules are not carried into the cell. Even the best filtration can not remove his negative pattern from water; even distillation cannot— this is a well established homeopathic principle.

Well, I very much doubt that any molecules as huge as fulvic acids can enter cells at all, which is probably just as well, considering the wide variety of chemically active and oxidizing groups they contain, as well as whatever metal ions and other organic gunk they might carry along with them. [link]

Zeolite zaniness

Zeolites are clay-like porous mineral and synthetic materials based typically on sodium aluminum silicates which possess the ability to absorb and exchange metallic ions of many kinds. The powdered solids have a large variety of uses, one of which is the production of worthless nostrums for which the usual groundless claims are made: "detoxifying" the body's cells, restore "pH balance", acting as antioxidants, and, particularly egregious, curing/preventing cancer.

The cancer-cure claims commonly cite scientific studies suggesting that zeolites such as clinoptilolite have been found to interfere with cell signalling pathways that are involved in some cancers. This is correct, but so have many thousands of other substances; there is a very long path from these observations to clinical results. The marketing claims about the health aspects of zeolite materials lack credible scientific support, and can be considered little more than deceptive marketing. One article of interest claims that a zeolite-derived product might be harmful.

Zeolites are solids and their properties are directly dependent on their solid-state structure; zeolites cannot exist as liquids, nor can they be dissolved in liquids without decomposition. This elementary fact has not deterred numerous promoters from offering "liquid zeolite" products, often at extortionate prices; these should be regarded as nothing more than old-fashioned snake-oil. As for ingesting solid zeolites, they are largely inert and will simply pass through the digestive tract without much change. There is no reason to believe that they can pass into the vascular system, and thence into individual cells. Two typical misinformation-filled sites are this one, and also this rant on something called "Natural Cellular Defense".

As if taking advantage of chemistry-challenged consumers and desperate cancer victims is not bad enough, some hucksters go for the new-age mind-mush crowd:

"A group of scientists recently met and they put these drops under an electron microscope and discovered that this product is alive. It is generating light. They they dehydrated it and reconstituted it and it still emits light. In other words... Cellular Electrical Energy is the Life Force of the BodyTHIS RECHARGES THE HUMAN BATTERY!" [link]

Well, anybody who falls for this kind of garbage can consider the money they pay as a "tax on stupidity".

Magic from magnesium

One of the goofiest products I have come across are "Prill Beads" which consist of "magnesium oxide infused with Life Force." These magical beads "have a natural affinity to anything unnatural. This is why they help rid the body of heavy metals, toxins and dead proteins." Water that is treated by these "prills" is claimed to have smaller molecules (for better absorption by the body) and is restored to the state found in amniotic fluid and "primordial dew". How do they make this magical stuff? By magic, of course! Their device

can be pictured as a configuration of the Force of Love. An outer ring containing more than 120,000 pounds of the Crystal form of Love ... and an inner ring where the force is stored. ... Anything placed in this space, simply becomes magical.

What could be easier? The site, containing some of the silliest we have seen, also claims that your treated used bath water will help restore the aquatic environment after it disappears down the drain.

But you don't need to depend on water to supply your ions; there are many outfits offering "ion-generating jewelry". One brand name might better describe some kind of laxative:

Active-hydrogen generator

The above facts did not prevent one outfit from flogging an "active hydrogen water generator" that purported to produce a "hydrogen-rich water" which is supposed to enrich water with both ordinary H₂ and "atomic" H (untrue!), producing a product claimed to be similar to "ionized alkaline water" except better. They tout it as a treatment for everything from Diabetes, osteoporosis and heart disease to Erectile Dysfunction– and say that it also diminishes "the digusting odor of fæces"! But another company does even better by [falsely] claiming that their dietary supplement product creates both "life-giving nascent oxygen and body-building nascent hydrogen". which they claim can cure such ills as arthritis, obesity, diabetes, osteoporosis, and erectile disfunction; as an added bonus they promise that "offensive odor of fæces will diminish markedly"— will wonders never cease. Unfortunately, there are all to many science-ignorant consumers who are actually likely to believe these lies.

More fibbing about hydrogen :

The purpose of hydrogen is to give structure to the body. What do you get when you bubble hydrogen through vegetable oil? You get margarine! Now, imagine hydrogen without oxygen. Your cells could become like margarine. [link]

You may remember that it is the smallest Critical Element and is capable of passing through the cell wall. In order for our cells to function they must communicate with each other through electrons but electrons can not move in the body without hydrogen. Cells must have oxygen but oxygen does not work without hydrogen. Cells cannot multiply or grow without hydrogen. The very fabric of our being, our DNA, is held together by Hydrogen bonds. Hydrogen is literally the fuel of life. [link]

When we are born we have plenty of Hydrogen but as we age our Hydrogen pool becomes depleted. When this occurs, free radicals steel it from essential areas thus accelerating aging and disease. [link]

Hydride ions

Another single-atom form of hydrogen is the hydride ion H^–, but this species is so reactive that it decomposes water and therefore cannot exist in water. One quackery vendor has claimed (without any convincing evidence) to "stabilize" hydrogen ions as an antioxidant dietary supplement, but that's somethng else again.

...and deuterium too!

In my humble opinion, there are few health-quackery Web sites that contain a higher proportion of false and deceptive statements than those promoting this classic snake-oil:

[Our product] super-energized complex concentrate of 78 trace minerals, 34 enzymes, 17 amino acids, electrolytes and dissolved oxygen held in a negatively-charged suspension utilizing deuterium, an isotope of hydrogen. {It] creates this life-giving nascent oxygen and bodybuilding nascent hydrogen by dissociating or splitting- the water molecule by weakening the bonding electrons.

They also recycle the daffy "Bovis" BS about "life energy" that is discussed at the top of this page:

Scientists Simeonton, Likhovsky and Bovis estimated that the aver age human body radiates a life force frequency of 6,500 angstroms- with cancer patients radiating at 1,875 angstroms (the same measurement as for refined white bread). just one drop of Cellfood®'s powerful 'electromagnetic equation' in 6-8 ounces of water emanates 77,000 units of radiant life energy

[link]

Anyone who has taken even an elementary chemistry course will recognize this as erroneous nonsense. There are the usual unsubstantiated and ridiculous health claims ("aids clear thinking", "helps to reduce and/or eliminates menopausal hot flashes and night sweats"). The product itself is described as a

"super energized colloidal mineral concentrate. ... Di-base, Di-pole Deuterium Sulfate provides an incredible oxygen source and delivery system to the body at the cellular level."

Deuterium sulfate? Deuterium is the isotope ²H (often given the symbol D) which makes up about 1 out of 10,000 of the hydrogen atoms found in nature. Although extensive research has shown that organisms are unable to survive on heavy water (D₂O is well-known to thoroughly gum up most enzymatic reactions), the same sites go on about its supposed benefits, spinning a tale about an inventor/con-artist (take your pick!) Everett M. Storey (whom they falsely identify as a two-time Nobel laurate) and a ficticious Deuterium Freedom Act purportedly passed by the U.S. 99th Congress that confirms deuterium's ability to "speed up the digestive process". However, the extensive list of chemicals in CellFood does not mention deuterium, although the list does include such falsely-claimed-to-be-beneficial elements as actinium, gadolinium, neon, technetium (!) and xenon. Another sad case of selling snake-oil to the suckers.

Why settle for H₂O when you can drink H₄O?

As I see it, this small grain of scientific fact has been expanded into fully-fledged water-quackery pseudoscience by a Japan-based outfit that flogs something called "H4O Hydrogen-Bonded Water". This is apparently just water (H₂O, which of course is always "hydrogen bonded"), to which molecular hydrogen (H₂) has been added. Because H₂ is practically insoluble in water, they bottle it under high pressure (very much as with ordinary carbonated water), but even then, the actual quantity of H₂ in the water is minute, of the order of 10^–6 mol/L— which hardly sounds like "reperfusion therapy" to me! Once the pressure is released and the water reaches the warm interior of your stomach, most of the H₂ gas will bubble out of the water, making for an expensive (and potentially explosive!) burp. Although it is likely that a small amount of H₂ can diffuse into the bloodstream, there is no reason to believe that it can have any significant beneficial effects.

The H4O product is touted as being a powerful reducing agent, despite the lack of evidence that ingestion of exogenous reducing agents has any beneficial health effects. One of their Web pages makes the following unbelievable claim:

From our studies, "H4O Hydrogen-Bonded Water" is able to control ingurgitation capability of macrophage that is etiology of diabetes, renal insufficiency and skin disorders. At the same time, our result of researchs showed that hydrogen has great
potential to prevents brain infarction and cancer.

In keeping with the alkaline-water craze, they say that the pH of the product is 7.7. This means that the water must contain something else in addition to hydrogen (almost certainly a metallic ion of some kind), but they don't say what this might be.

Imploded water - Vortex water

The Original Vortex Energizer (d. 2005) offered a wide range of far-out water-weirdness. An older version of their page (which features a huge collection of goofy products such as the Orgone Blood Zapper and the "super-ionized" water described above) tells us that their Vortex Water Energiser

"acts as a cosmic antenna and amplifier which takes its energy directly from the Quantum Sea of Energy or Ether, a subtle form of energy which is all around us. This means that no electrical power supply is required. Just placing the [the device] beside ordinary 'lifeless' water will cause it to become charged and healthy once again. Direct contact with water is not necessary as the energy is transferred by way of vibration."

Think of it! You simply physically attach this sealed copper-tube spiral containing "highly energized water" to your water main, your radiator pipe, swimming pool inlet, or your car's cooling system, and receive all of the benefits of revitalized water, which allow your body to cope much better with the detrimental effects of pollutants, chemicals, and electromagnetic radiation. Other claimed benefits include

• Plants watered with ... energized water shows 250% increase in crop yield.
• Plants required 50% less feeding with ... energized water.
• Vortex energized water shows substantially increased geometric structure of water molecule.
• Placing the [device] temporarily in ponds and pools has shown an increase in oxygen and reduced bacterial growth and stagnation.

It's hard to believe that there are actually people who are credulous enough to fall for this garbage.
A "research paper" On the action of the Vortex Energizer on water  sounds impressive until you note the author's admission that virtually all of the effects he describes fall within the range of error of the instruments he uses.

Nordic Nonsense

This outfit markets a "Water Revitalizer" which not only features a "double spiraling flowform creating a very powerful vortex energy field" but comes "charged up with energy". They claim that the vortex motions cause suspended bacteria and oxygen to come together so that the bacteria are killed. See here for my comments on some of the other goofy claims they have made.

Maret Bio-con process

The Maret Bio-Com process (d. 2005) was a compendium of crackpot water-treatment schemes whose end product is a "condensed seed water" which is added to regular drinking water. The process involves such wonders as

• raising the pH to 8, which they misleadingly say raises the "zeta potential"
• "coherant oxygen" or "electically-conditioned oxygen" is added to the "vortexially spinning" water.
• exposing the water to vibrating crystals
• a "magnetic stabilization process"

This is of course pure flapdoodle that will be taken seriously only by the most science-challenged suckers.

Stir crazy water wand

The WaterVortex site is typical of those that appeal to science-ignorant seekers of new-age wisdom, and which flog some of the most goofy products imaginable. This Water Stir Rod is supposed to be a quick and simple way of "restructuring" water to enable it to more efficiently "hydrate" your body. It

acts like a tuning fork for water. . The device has a special blend of minerals inside which resonate and influence the resonance of the water molecules. . Your water now has a lower specific gravity and will work to hydrate your body much more effectively than normal water.

Hard to believe? Well, they cite a "clinical study" claiming that it can produce a "23.5% increase in hydration" [as measured by several highly dubious means] , and as an added bonus, a 9.4% increase in "oxygen saturation". And they invoke the "theories" of the noted (notorious?) wizards Emoto and Schauberger. But don't expect any of this to appear in a reputable scientific journal!

Aqua-lies

Natural Water Actovation Technology pflogs devices utilizing "a duplication of vortexes and natural frequencies" so that your tap water

is quickly reminded, at a basic level,of its true nature. The water then, begins to restore, to itself, its own native abilities.In short, [this] Technology sets up a communication with the water and the water, in turn, responds to that communication.As our bodies are comprised primarily of water, it stands to reason that this communication occurs within our physical structures as well. Water which is low in energy will always struggle to regain its vitality. This is why, after taking a bath or shower in low energy water, we often feel tired and depleted as the water in which we bathe seeks to correct itself. The water has, in essence, used the body's positive energy to restore and restructure itself.

While this kind of garbage is readily gobbled up by the eager-to-believe-anything alternative health nuts, the manufacturer also recommends their devices for agricultural and industrial uses, listing a large number of unbelievable benefits such as scale control, enhancing plant growth and biomass accumulation (although they curiously claim that it inhibits algae growth!), breaking down solid wastes, etc. etc. etc. Those who know some chemistry will be surprised/amused to learn that the treated water "boils at a lower temperature and freezes at a higher temperature".

Mineral-less mineral water

Instead of loading up the water with minerals (which are, after all, "chemicals"!), this outfit claims to simply add the "vibrations" corresponding to these elements to the water. Scams like this keep popping up just as quickly as the FDA shuts them down.

[This Anti Aging water] was created from the discoveries of quantum physics. Made with a Laser, this water is unlike any kind of water that has been offered before. It contains all 34 mineral wave forms in their correct (non-metallic) states as needed by the body to repair and sustain itself. ... Since it works on the principle of wave-forms (energy), it leaves behind no toxic metallic residue in the body. You get all of the benefits and none of the drawbacks of mineral supplements.

Tri-Vortex crackpot chemistry

A bizarre interpretation of a spiral form of the periodic table by one Brian David Andersen has led to the development of a variety of crackpot products, including a "Tri-Vortex Chamber" in which substances are supposed to be given magical properties by the application of various "harmonic frequencies". This same guy is the purported author of a tedious bit of nonsense on how water can be improved by this treatment.

These hucksters sell a product called Tri-Vibes which are packets of various dietary supplements that have purportedly been passed through something called a "Tri-Vortex Chamber". This treatment, it is claimed,

transmits all of the light particles in the treated vitamins, minerals and nutrients. The sealed stainless steel Tri-Vibes are applied to the body in various ways. The most effective manner of applying the Tri-Vibes is by placing one stainless steel band on the left wrist area and one stainless steel band on the right ankle area. ... The light particles emitted by the Tri-Vibes are guided and distributed throughout the electromagnetic fields of your body. Any cell in your body can absorb the light particles emitted from the Tri-Vibes that are held by the liquids in your body or being guided and distributed by the electromagnetic fields of your body.

They also cater to people who know nothing about electricity by offering an electrical device that claims to protect you from "electromagnetic pollution" by shifting the electricity in your home "from a left-hand turn to a right-hand turn."

It's sad to contemplate how many suckers fall for this pseudoscientific garbage. (r.i.p. 8/07)